Dear Love, take care.

Dear Love,

How are you..?

I always remember the way you call my name. 

It's annoying but still I miss it a lot. 

I can't deny that I am not near physically when you need me to talk to. 

I feel bad..

I know that you forgive me. 

Like you did every single night. 

I miss holding your hand before and after I went out. 

I miss how I have to rush just to see if you okay. 

I still can remember that day. 

I was strong just for you and father. 

I did not cry although only Allah knows how I feel. 

Now--

My life is different without you here in this realm.

I remember how you would make me happy.

You bought me video games that I love so much. 

No one can do that for me. 

How it is really hard to write about this... 

Love...

I will always remember you in my prayers.. 

I'm not like you. 

but--

I did what I can... 

I did what I can... 

Thank you so much for taking care of me until now. 

I love you so much... 

One day,  we will meet again InsyaAllah... 

If you can read this. Please pray for me if you can still pray over there. 

Pray for father too... 

He miss you too.. 

Take care over there love...

Take care.

New Realm

It is all over...

but why I can still feel it all?

My mind keep imprisoned me.

Everyday is a prisonbreak.

it all happened inside. 

No one knew it hurt so bad. 

but at the same time it is a relief. 

In the month of power I seek for strength from Him. 

Everything that live must have an end. 

My beloved ending chapter was beautiful like the light of the moon.

Ease the heart. 

Ease the mind. 

I feel her still with me through my vein. 

Although it pains me. 

But it strengthen me at the same time. 

As light enters me through my scars. 

My inner eyes blinded before started to see. 

To my beloved.

Life is short, you know that *chuckles*.

One day we will meet again by the will of Allah. 

I love you and always miss you. 

love,

sakinah

if it was my last day

 If it was the last day of my life. 

Please forgive me for what I had done.

Before I wrote this I had forgiven all of you for what you had done. 

It was hard to accept honestly and I dont know how to explain it. 

Please don't ask me over my grave. 

If it was my last day.

I just want to be alone with my mind, 

together with a pen and paper. 

I want to write all of it. 

If it was my last day.

I want to sit under a tree without anyone disturbing me. 

Maybe just smile at me if you see me so that I can remember them in my next life. 

Write to me, place it in a bottle maybe a miracle could make me read it. 

If it was my last day to live. 

Tell me that you love me with your eyes,

so I could dive one last time into your soul until it was my last breath.

All I am thirsty for all this while is some connection. 

If it was my last day to live. 

All I need is just to feel my heart.

To feel at peace with myself and smile until I see Him.

A monster and a girl

 A cool wind blew softly.

I saw leaves flying through my window.

It was a sunny and bright.

A day with a gold sight 

When was the last time my heart was soft?

Although my mind always went aloft.

I'm not letting myself becomes a monster.

Although I am, I always wanted to walk besides her.

Her inner beauty, a masterpiece, an art!

A girl with the purest heart!

And here I am always standing close on.

With a foul heart.

Longing to learn the secret of the heart.

But how?

Why?

What?

Where do I start?

As I feel hopeless without answers...

"not all things have answers", said the girl.

You just have to feel it here, 

As she touch my chest I could feel my heart getting warmer and warmer.

No words can describe the touch of your heart.

 

To My Only Heart

 You are always there defending me against my own destruction.

If only I know your language.

I'm trying to listen to your feelings.

As I do not have feelings.

I only find every solution without involving you. 

Dear heart, 

I'm sorry I am cold.

You're always my warmth when there is no solution.

You're loyal although you're a mess. 

Messy in an organized way. 

 Please feel again.

I miss you, my only heart. 

The moon to my sun. 

My relief when there is no way out. 

My path towards salvation. 

Dear heart, 

please teach me your language. 

You are the saviour to this life.

let us work together. 

We're equal. 

Let us have fun while we're at it okay?

Dear Mother

 Dear Mother,

What I want to tell you is,

I love you... from the deepest of my heart.

I didn't realize how much I love you.

All of my anger comes from sadness.

The sadness that I kept inside until now.

The sadness that I feel because of your sacrifice.

You sacrifice a lot.

For being my father when my father was not home.

You manage all of my problems effortlessly;

Until I forgot what you had sacrifice for me. 

Also the sadness of seeing you sacrifice your true self,

In front of my eyes. 

You suffer.

It hurts so much seeing that. 

Please dear mother.

Please just be yourself and love yourself before its too late. 

I love you and now it is okay to let go all of that pain and find your true self.

I always understand your sadness in silence.

In my heart I scream I love you so much that it wont fit out of my mouth. 

It's okay to cry it means that you care a lot.

It's not a weakness. 

But for me it's strength. I know you are the strongest person in my life. 

I love you mother... I love you...

--intan 2.30PM 18/12/2022

Between two realms

Peace be upon you.

I hope you can greet me back from over there.

I miss the smell of your warmth perfume.

God let it soothe my heart. Always.

Can you still feel emotions?

Can you still remember me?

As I can remember all your kisses on my cheeks

Is my heart still alive within yours?

I know Allah let me feel like you miss me.

I miss you too love.

I miss you too... So much..

"Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return."