A letter to you

 Dear you, 

You made it this far and I am so proud of you.

I remember like it was yesterday, you playing with your friends. Riding your cool BMX bicycle your mother bought you. Your first day of school. You got bullied for the first time. Playing video games at your neighbor's house. Then your mother bought you your own Playstation so that you won't have to fight to play. Then you made friends and best friends along the way. You graduated and published some papers. Although you feel like lacking something remember that you've always had fun living your life even if you're not working yet. You don't have to follow other people's 'timeline'. You have your own 'timeline' that God made you, you. Your own special story for you to tell.

From the start you're so smart. You can fix things, build things like cardboard boat that have its own engine. At that time you're just nine! nobody could do that. You have this imagination that could make you want to build something or fix things. Thats special! Now you're learning to ease people's heart. Even you're quiet but you have a compassionate heart. It's expensive to access that these days. Your values, skills. You enjoy doing that. That's your treasure to keep. Helping people write and give them ideas. Even you want to teach others. That is amazing traits that you have. 

Now tell me have you even accepted that? Accept that you're special to me. I love you no matter what you did. I still need you in my life forever. Maybe one day other people will need you too. So live your life and enjoy every bits of it. God will heal you as time passes by slowly and naturally. Just enjoy the ride and smile. Hehehe... Go for it!

Love,

Me.

Always with me

 Sometimes life brings sadness,

and sometimes it brings joy.

Together they play together.

sadness give joy space and so do joy.

Together they make this journey of life so meaningful until the afterlife. 

Don't forget bravery and fear they too are included in this story. 

Bravery cannot live without fear and so do fear. 

All of them love and accept each other. 

With the help from the rational faculty it brings them balance and peace. 

Together it becomes love. 

which is the most precious thing that a human can have. 

The fuel of the heart burns the spirit. 

Isn't that beautiful..?

A journey from God and towards God.

Everything I seek is always with me :)

Murder I won't

 You,

That I cannot harm,

You're different. 

Yet you still feel you're useless. 

I stand behind and watched you, 

With knife in my hands. 

Inches away from you. 

watching you murder yourself.

I carried you to safety. 

You know that I know. 

Something unspeakable. 

Although I'm the dangerous thing for you. 

You're the world to me. 

But I have no words left to penetrate through your soul. 

You're near yet you're running away from me.

Am I not your true anymore? 

Your love?

 

You

 I have wept many tears before, 

but for You I wept my heart out. 

The only love that I had,

opens the door to my heart. 

Dear Lord. 

You're the most merciful. 

Any knowledge cannot save me except You. 

You are the light of my life. 

The love of my life. 

Only You.

Dear Love, take care.

Dear Love,

How are you..?

I always remember the way you call my name. 

It's annoying but still I miss it a lot. 

I can't deny that I am not near physically when you need me to talk to. 

I feel bad..

I know that you forgive me. 

Like you did every single night. 

I miss holding your hand before and after I went out. 

I miss how I have to rush just to see if you okay. 

I still can remember that day. 

I was strong just for you and father. 

I did not cry although only Allah knows how I feel. 

Now--

My life is different without you here in this realm.

I remember how you would make me happy.

You bought me video games that I love so much. 

No one can do that for me. 

How it is really hard to write about this... 

Love...

I will always remember you in my prayers.. 

I'm not like you. 

but--

I did what I can... 

I did what I can... 

Thank you so much for taking care of me until now. 

I love you so much... 

One day,  we will meet again InsyaAllah... 

If you can read this. Please pray for me if you can still pray over there. 

Pray for father too... 

He miss you too.. 

Take care over there love...

Take care.

New Realm

It is all over...

but why I can still feel it all?

My mind keep imprisoned me.

Everyday is a prisonbreak.

it all happened inside. 

No one knew it hurt so bad. 

but at the same time it is a relief. 

In the month of power I seek for strength from Him. 

Everything that live must have an end. 

My beloved ending chapter was beautiful like the light of the moon.

Ease the heart. 

Ease the mind. 

I feel her still with me through my vein. 

Although it pains me. 

But it strengthen me at the same time. 

As light enters me through my scars. 

My inner eyes blinded before started to see. 

To my beloved.

Life is short, you know that *chuckles*.

One day we will meet again by the will of Allah. 

I love you and always miss you. 

love,

sakinah

if it was my last day

 If it was the last day of my life. 

Please forgive me for what I had done.

Before I wrote this I had forgiven all of you for what you had done. 

It was hard to accept honestly and I dont know how to explain it. 

Please don't ask me over my grave. 

If it was my last day.

I just want to be alone with my mind, 

together with a pen and paper. 

I want to write all of it. 

If it was my last day.

I want to sit under a tree without anyone disturbing me. 

Maybe just smile at me if you see me so that I can remember them in my next life. 

Write to me, place it in a bottle maybe a miracle could make me read it. 

If it was my last day to live. 

Tell me that you love me with your eyes,

so I could dive one last time into your soul until it was my last breath.

All I am thirsty for all this while is some connection. 

If it was my last day to live. 

All I need is just to feel my heart.

To feel at peace with myself and smile until I see Him.