Pause

How am I going to move on?
Because I fall in love with you still.
Everyday I fall deeper.
although you're not here anymore.


...

All that i have in Malaysia

Only a Mother that cared and love me too much.

Only a Father that work like hell to keep me out from living hell.

Only a Grandma that worried about me and for me.


Only three.
If they're gone one day, simultaneously.
or any other way.
I think I would no longer stay here.

I would take myself away and never come back until grave on this earth call me.
This grave is called,
Malaysia.

Drugs

I wish I could consume it all and escape from all of this bulls--.
But yeah I have my precious life that God give it to me.
I have my parents and grandma to take care of.

They're always my drugs.
Hate to consume but its good for me.
It's a herbal medication.
minimal and no fatal side effects.

Thank you God for these herbal drugs.
Thank you.

Valium

"Hey over there!"
"Yeah you...".

He approaches some stranger.
He look decent and in his thirties.

"Sup man".
"Can I bum a smoke?".
"Yeah Sure. here, have it all and have this too. A good lighter".
He look confused and say,
"Why...?"

"Just stop asking why, not everything have reason you know".
"Ok, I wont ask that again".
"Sometimes just don't understand b'cause people don't understand why they do that you know".

"People these days or any days just the same".
"Are you talking about yourself?"

"Actually.Yes!"

They both burst into laughter and from stranger they become friends.
Not because of a pack of cigarette.
It's because they open up their heart and mind and share cigarettes and opinions.

life is just weird and us human will never understand.

My lady

Come and join me for a cup of tea.
I pour you some gourmet tea my dear.
I knew you fancy tea so much.
at the cafe in Marais.
The oldest teashop in Paris since 1854.

Sweetheart,
Kindly I greet you with a kiss on your hand, gently. with me wearing black leather glove.
Without even touching your precious skin on mine filthy.
I feed you from my lips if you need it. without even touching your sweet lips.

Take my hand darling.
follow me into slumber.
I would not sleep until you sleep.

I would not sleep next to you but I will stand.
watching--

as i can make a good perfume out of your hair, skin, lips.
Your pure oil condense in the chamber of distillation.
a dab of perfume made out of you will make them think i am a walking angel.

your heart dear,
is like the ship in a glass bottle.
I keep it like it was mine.

all of it is in my head.
and I would never harm such beauty God made.
but I can do anything regardless.

but,
I felt guilt although i did that you in my head.
I am a lunatic to you.

It was bright again,
The light of the sun pierce through the fancy lacy curtain.
and you woke up and saw me bow to you with my right hand over my heart.

you scream in fear.
because again you remember i was your lunatic.
you're my maniac.

you smile again and laugh.
yes you are a maniac darling.

Come--
I am the best.

Merriam

I was straying in my head.
It was snowing. cold. freezing.
I saw this women in red evening coat.
and automatically i say in a low tone like a whisper "Merriam...".
She turned and looked at me and i looked at her with my cold eyes.
She looked like Miriam. Smoothly i take her hand and kissed it gently.

"Nice meeting you here Merriam. Long time no see. Not to worry I do not miss you dear".
I gave her a brief smile and she smiled a very sincere smile.

"I know you missed me Merriam but just for a while".

She then hugged me spontaneously. I was confused.
I hugged her back and then I realized I was in my prison.
I'm a prisoner you see. The thing that I hugged just now was a corpse that I kept for all these years.
She was the love of my life, but i killed her not because I don't love her.

It
is
because
I
cared
and
loved
too
much.

I made these prison for myself.
but one day I will smash it down and that day is today.

While i smash and burn it away from my head.

"I am the best, and I will be the best Merriam".

so I let her free as I let myself free from my own prison.
but she was dead.
I gave her a funeral. A good one.
before she was brought down to her grave. I throw beautiful white flower on her coffin.
It was her favourite flower.

Back to reality. I cry my last cry. Hopefully we will meet again Merriam.

We will reunite again.

I promise you.

Kronos

Berjalan di tepian parit perasan diri tak akan tersalah pijak.

Dan satu lagi langkah dia terperosok ke dalam perit.

Bersama-sama bangkai manusia yang lain. Kesilapan yang sama cuman tewas.

Teruskah dia akan bangun dengan melawan kesakitan kaki yang patah?

Atau cuma membiarkan nyawanya diambil Kronos?

 Kronos tidak suka akan perbincangan. Jika dia mahukan sesuatu maka ia lakukan tidak cepat tidak juga telat.

Tangkas.

Maka si Fulan bangkit dengan kukunya berdarah mengcenkam batu kasar.

Keluar dari perangkap Kronos.

Perangkap kebodohan dirinya sendiri.

Kau yang buat pilihan.

Haha.

Sound of a poor soul

of course you'll forget me.
of course i'm stupid enough to think that you will always remember me.
of course i'm just a fool to you.
My soul.

But i always want you to know.
This heart sincerely love.
And i never wanted to hurt you.
And i never wanted to hurt someone dear to you.
I'm just a human and i did mistakes that I know I shouldn't.

I just want you to be happy with whom you choose.
And i know your beautiful soul won't ever wanna touch mine.

I wish that you will hear my soul sing.
Just for you,
Love.

Dua minit lima puluh saat

Walaupun dia bukan yang tercantik di situ, kau
suka cara dia menyelinap di bawah cahaya matahari
supaya riaknya nampak nakal.
Kau pandang dia dari jauh, dan kau minum perlahan-lahan.
Dia tak pandang kau langsung. Matanya tertumpu pada pasangannya.
Tapi seluruh tubuhnya, sedang meneliti setiap perinci kau.

Ini cinta. Ini metafora. Ini metafora tentang cinta.
Dalam dua minit lima puluh saat, kau akan bangun, pergi dari taman itu dan hilang
dari pandangan dia. Kau takkan bertemu dia lagi.
Dia takkan bertemu kau lagi.
Tapi dalam tempoh dua minit lima puluh saat itu juga, ekstasi ini akan kekal
selama-lamanya.

Light

Just please do not pray for it to fade away from my heart.
Just pray for it to be stronger and light up my heart.
Only that give me hope to live for.

Just please my dear.

I cannot tell

how your present in my life brings this heart to always love.
In every tick of the time.
Yes i'm hurt very much but it heals when i feel your love.
Simultaneously.
But love always stronger than hate.

I know it was just a while.
You're very special to me.
How i wish i could proove it to you.
But i can only talk.

But they said talk is cheap.
I know now that i'm still poor.

I lied

Good morning sunshine!

*light up first cigarette

Productive day ahead
Bismillah.

This is not goodbye, this is just the beginning

Yes, of course i miss you too.

but I have to go for a while.
we never parted my dear,
never.

Only

death

can

separate

us

for

a while...

I'll see you in heaven one day.

if not we could switch places.
I can burn forever.
I just want you to smile for eternity.
and never that smile would fade.

Smile for me my dear or for the sake of yourself.
Yourself that matters the most my sweet.


if fate would let me cross into your life again.
I would say.

hey you,
*hat on my chest
*Smile

Postcards

I’m sending postcards from my heart,
With love for a postmark and then,
You’ll know that you make me,
Feel like we’ve been caught.
Like kids in the school-yard again.
And I can’t keep it to myself.
Can’t spell it any better,
L-O-V-E forever.
I hope you know that I’m,
Sending a postcard,
I don’t care who sees what I’ve said.
Or if the whole world knows what’s in my head.


*James Blunt - poscards
que

James Blunt - Heart to Heart

CALLING FOR DINA ZAMAN!!!

i wish i could meet you dear.
Maybe one day.
Maybe!

InsyaAllah!

Coffee

I drive to my favourite place just now.

opened my spotify and after that youtube to enjoy my moment with some good music.

unzipped my bag and took out Korean pack of Marlboro light Gold.
lighted my cigarette while enjoyed the view from the inside of my car that was parked near a peaceful lake.

*drag my cigarette

and it was my favourite moment.
peaceful.
I smiled and I was happy.
Although my head keep on analyzing stupid things that was not stupid.
It was a good memory.

But i have to keep it in the back of my head and let it sink.

Never to forget.

and keep on driving like nothing happened.

let it rest and let my heart taste it until it is bitter.

Let it all rush through my blood and veins.

Let me be stronger.

eh...

wait...

I smelled like coffee.
*chuckles.

New coming

Sudah lama agaknya tidak menjengah.

*sapukan habuk-habuk

Ya aku kembali.
Moga Tuhan berkati.

rindunya.
*senyum

Theres too many things I wanna write.
but for now...
life is kindda red, orange, black and white.

but still that never stop me for being the best.
The best at heart.
The best to live and walk the earth.
The best that ever to come.

Pray. and I always pray for me, them.
Whoever you're that read this for now.
I say hi to you.
This is me the new...

Kuncara Yuwa Owel.